Nearly black out drunken girls like myself dancing to whatever song blasted into our poisoned brains. Friends I’ve known for too long, people I met that night, piling on top and between each other like a sweaty, sequin sandwich of drunk.
My best friend Catherine holding my shoulders, she the most deep empty look in her eyes.
“I think we should go…” She shouts over the loud music.
I nod at her and begin to walk out of the dance club, my legs become into noodles instantly after walking outside. The cold chilling breeze rushes past my body and into my torn black stockings.
“You’ve had a little too much Gail… Let’s get you home.” Catherine lectured me in a low but feminine voice, dragging out every ‘a’.
My eyes are forcing themselves shut. Catherine helps me into the car, she tries to pick my legs up and into the bottom of the car, one of my pumps fall off.
“Catherine… My shoe!” I whine.
She grabs my shoe and chucks it into the back seat. Catherine slowly making her way into the drivers side she slumps down into the seat and fires up the engine. The engine being a loud roaring noise that wasn’t pleasant for the ears, intoxicated or not.
“Don’t you think we should have called a friend? Catherine?” I mumbled.
“No, no… I’m good ’nuff to drive.” She argued.
I shrugged my shoulders and off we went. All the street lights over us shined through all the windows, shutting my eyes I could still see all the shades of colour the lights poured through the glass. Every street light, every stop light. It was a long way back to the hotel room.
I memorized the route from going out drinking at Kyle’s Night Club every night. Over the overpass, take a left, continue straight past the Korean Supermarket, a couple four way lights in between, and up the hill and into the suburb my parents live in. A spin around the cul de sac and I’m back to prison, or “my home”.
The drive home is always the worst. Before it was fun, more friends to be with Catherine and I. But a couple months ago everyone just didn’t want to come to drink night. Even the guys didn’t want to drink, or come with us. They said they need to stay sober for schooling. Drinking is for the weekend and all of that shit.
So it’s just been us. Catherine and the fabulously drunken Gail herself. A shameless open book. Every week, same time as always.
I open my eyes and we are passed the Supermarket. My eyes squint at the sight of fully blazing street lights, they sting.
“Gail…” Catherine grumbled.
“Yeah.. M’whats up?” I replied.
“I saw your phone earlier.”
“You went through my phone?”I replied.
“Yeah I went through your fucking phone, and you know what I found?”
I sat there silent, what could she have found? She knew everything about my life, nothing to hide. I’m an open god damn book.
“Answer me Gail!” She demanded.
“Oh… Well what did you find?” I said sarcastically.
“Filthy fucking dirt just like you!” She yelled.
The cars started honking behind us. She stepped on the gas as hard as she could. You could hear the tires screech against the pavement, black and grey smoke blow at the cars behind us.
“Talking to Danny again!”
Her boyfriend… Daniel. I hate it when she talks about him. He’s a great guy and all. But, I secretly hated when she called him “Danny” in that high pitched voice. She only uses that voice when she talked about him. She is extremely fake, plastic… Unrealistic when it came to “Danny”. Also I’ve been accused of talking to Daniel before, it’s… So god damn annoying. We’ve been friends since our fresh man year of high school. Daniel actually introduced me to Catherine, and I remember it vividly.
It was 2011, and I was new to the school we were going to. Daniel made friends with me after a couple days of me sitting alone, I guess he just felt bad and decided to stick the loner in his group of friends. Those friends who I’ve kept all this time up until now, senior year of high school. But most importantly Catherine. She was pretty for her age, like she didn’t know the meaning of an awkward phase. Other than the way she done up her face, we all agree she looked like a big of a Chav. When we met we just clicked… I could tell her the world and she kept it to herself. It was a beautiful friendship, I never imagined it getting like this.
Lately the relationship has became toxic. When I stopped listening to her problems she lashes out just like she’s doing now, I stopped fighting back. I just let her yell at me. A combination of Catherine and my mother, together they have taught me helplessness. Not able or wanting to fight back. It hurts, but the sooner that it is over the easier it is to move on.
“Gail I know you’ve had a thing for Danny for a long time, but it’s time that you let go of your feelings for him…”
“I don’t have feelings for Danny at all.” I said under my breath.
“Soon enough high school will end and Danny and I will move on away from you, maybe even get married.”
“Danny and I are frie-”
“The sooner you get away from us the better it will be.” She interrupted.
I stayed silent.
The car rumbled over the deadly silent vehicle, fog rising on the cold windows.
“I don’t think we should go out drinking any more Gail… I don’t think we should see each other at all.” Catherine replied softly but sternly.
My house was far. I hoped she didn’t ask me to get out and walk.
“Do you want to say anything? Anything at all?” She asked.
My throat felt like it was closing up. You’d think that if this happens all the time that I’d get used to it. You can always suppress fighting back, but one thing I can never get good at was holding in tears.
She stopped at another set of lights, three lanes and no one to race. Empty. Looking out the window, night walks with friends and family pets, never again. I could hear Catherine letting out a couple grunts, I still remained silent.
“When you get home, delete my phone number.” She requested.
I looked over to her and nodded without looking at her.
“That’s all I get? A nod?”
I rolled my head straight forward and shut my eyes once more. I fought to hold back my tears, I’ve been told many times in my life that crying won’t do anything. That crying was just dramatic and that everything wasn’t about me, that I wouldn’t get any attention if I cried or not. But when everything is stripped from you, and you have literally nothing left… Then what do you do?
Through my shut eyes I saw the lights turn green. Catherine floored it making me jolt forwards. I regained focus and looked out the passengers window to see a bright headlights blinding me, I tried to turn my head to scream at Catherine to stop but it was too late. I hear the window shattering and could feel them piercing my body for a split second.
That’s the last thing I remember, before it went black.